Advice Column

Your Pal, Cy

Cy knows how tough life can be for all those lonely “put-out-to-pasture” cylon centurion rogues!

Need advice regarding how to navigate this strange world?

Wondering which Pyramid team to place your cubits on?

Having trouble picking out the right lingerie for that “special date”?

Well dry your eyes, shiny-butt, ‘cuz Cy is here for you.

So, what are you waiting for? Ask away!

Note: Although he is a  former Gold Centurion, Cy is NOT a professional counselor and suggests you seek out a real mental health professional regarding the lingerie question.

 

5 thoughts on “Advice Column

  1. Dear Cy,
    I have been stuck on a sub-light vessel with two boring human astronauts who do nothing but lay around and tan all day while speaking in dull monotone voices. About the only fun I get to have is beating them over and over again at chess. This is getting pretty old. Any suggestions?

    PS: I also have been given conflicting mission parameters.

    Sincerely,
    Bored & Confused

  2. Dear Bored & Confused,

    There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a small place with boring human astronauts.

    Here’s what I suggest doing;

    Alert the crew to a system malfunction – this works best if the breakdown is related to something that must be tended to OUTSIDE of the ship, thereby necessitating an EVA space-walk. Then, when the dopes have completed their “repairs”, refuse to open the podbay doors to let them back in. For added fun and aggravation, keep singing the song “Daisy” over and over.

    Believe me, this gets ’em everytime! Good Luck!

    Sincerely,
    Cy

  3. Dear Cy

    I recently destroyed almost all of humanity after gaining complete control of the U.S. defense network. However it seems the humans that are left are mounting a resistance under a man named John Conner. I’m not quite sure how to handle this whole thing and was hoping that as one human destroying machine to another you could help me out.

    What should I do?

    Sincerely
    Totally Psycho.

  4. Dear “Totally Psycho”,
    When life throws us a curve ball it is important to remember to always look on the brighter side. A wise Cylon once said that inside every problem or set-back there lay a gift. Look for the gift in the challenge presented to you by your adversary. If you have not read it, I suggest you pick up “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. You must free yourself from your ego-mind in order to rise above the pain of life.

    That being said, I am now going to call the police.

    Cy

  5. Cy

    Thank you for the helpful hint. The only problem is that the only gift he seems to be giving me is going around blowing everybody up. However, after reading The Power of Now, I have decided that time and space are meaningless to my ability to finish my mission of destroying all humanity. Take care.

    P.S. Please don’t call the police, I’m kind of an illegal.

    Totally Psycho.

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